Wednesday, 1 April 2015

Thinking of You: Part 1 & Part 2

It has been a while since I last wrote a poem. Partly because I had been experiencing some personal turbulence, and also I felt I could not live up to the success of the Taxi poem I wrote some time back. The poems below are a result of the turbulence I faced, in particular the friends and family I am no longer with, and whom I miss dearly :) I decided to keep writing no matter how mediocre the results turned out to be. Happy reading!

Thinking of You: Part 1
 
Thinking of you.
Your eyes full with amusement ,
Lips lifted, holding out a smile. 

You laughing out loud, the Earth's joy
Flowing through your veins.

Thinking of you.
Open heart, open hands,
Always there; waiting for me.
Your humility, natural sense of style; .
I wish we would hangout again. 
I think of all the jokes I would tell you,
The way you would laugh.

Thinking of you
Dreaming even; a longing so full
I cannot always keep it in. 

For all the future times, for the present
That will never be. 
Happy, playing, talking, fighting
The times I would want to have and had.
Listening as you tell me the truth 
I never wanted to hear;
frowning when you think I'm wrong,
Your reluctance to admit I'm right.
My eagerness to press my advantage;
your hesitation to admit defeat too quick.

Thinking of you,
Your innocence, the soft core
I so often wished to protect.
It comforts me to know you are you
In this crazy little world.
It gives life a little more meaning,
some order to the madness we live in everyday,
That your goodness still thrives
No matter what. 

Thinking of you.
How much I wish to hold you,
squeeze, feel your warmth, breathe you in,
Smell or no smell.
So often that I no longer keep count
The kisses I always hope to give.
I fear so much that time will run out;
I will not be able to visit 
The days of yesteryear, with you in the present.

Thinking of you.
Memory and fantasy bleed into each other
What I remember, what I long for
All these hopes and fears.
Many moments I waste
thinking of you, over and over
Ad infinitum or ad nauseam?
It makes no difference to me.


Thinking of You: Part 2 (Online Again)
A green dot next to your name.
I've missed you.
So I type out a 'Hi' and hit 'Enter'.
Seconds pass; the dot never wavers,
Does not disappear. 
My 'Hi' remains. Alone, unanswered. 

I try to tell myself:
'Maybe you haven't seen it,
maybe you're away from wherever it is
you are.'
The green dot never lies
so maybe its you. 

I send a 'How are you doing?'
after my 'Hi'.
Just so that it doesn't get too lonely.
We all need second chances,
I mean let's give you the benefit of the doubt;
let me really show you I'm here. 

Seconds turn into minutes, minutes
Into an hour. 
I just let it go; maybe not today, 
perhaps another time.
After all we do get busy, every now and then.
Right?

There is so much I want to say
So much you want to tell me.
You're homesick; I miss you being with me. 
We smile together (or so I imagine)
at all the jokes we could have told each other.
The funny stories, the tears
The bad days when I really wish you were here
To cheer me up. And me, you. 

It is getting easier;
You fitting into your place,
Me into mine.
The pain fades to a dull throb;
the loneliness hardly noticeable these days.
We run out of what to say after the first few sentences;
I wonder how I can make you understand,
You only wish I could see. 
An awkwardness is creeping in, too intangible to fix,
And yet it lingers.

You're online again,
Green dot next to your name.
I had so much to say, 

I don't know where it all went;
I don't know how it is for you,
Wherever it is you are.
Something between us is dying.